My diapers are bloody

You just gotta love Screwy Skippy: (follow the NAMBLA Info link)

"C'mon, in what other country can you have someone sell you cock pills on the Internet. And then come back with anti-depressants when you have a hard-on and no one to share it with."

Ahhhh, just about every country that has free internet access. What exactly is your point? That American is great because someone can sell you fake viagra via the internet?

"Canada really has no culture of it's own. We're a nation of 14 people spread across the second largest land mass on the planet. The only unifying symbol of Canadian identity is that we're not American."

Typical bullshit anti-Canadian opinion usually spouted by people who have no idea what the word culture means. Canada does have a culture, it's just not as obnoxious as American culture. Our buddy Skippy should look the word "culture" up in a dictionary. Which definition of culture does not apply to Canadians or Canada?

"As a matter of fact, most of us are rabidly anti-American."

Yes, there are people in Canada who express anti-American attitudes. I think this is a by-product of people walking around talking about how Canada has no culture and that Canadians are no more than fake Americans, or Britons. Skippy makes it sound like Canadians burn Americans at the stake. It's so horrible for Americans in Canada that just over 350,000 of them live in Canada. What happened after the World Trade center was destroyed? Where did all those airplanes full of Americans, still in the air, go? They went to Canada where Canadians welcomed the Americans into their homes with open arms. Who helped America when Iran took a bunch of their citizens hostage back in the late 70's? Which nation risked the lives of their own people to smuggle Americans out? How, "rabidly anti-American" of Canada, eh?

"It's noteworthy that 90% of Canada's population lives within 100 miles of the American border. "

I'll give you a little tip. Sometimes it's not enough just to say something is noteworthy. Sometimes it is important to explain why something is noteworthy. Why exactly is it noteworthy that most of Canadians live within 100 miles of the American border? Is Skippy saying that this has something to do with American/Canadian relations? If so, I'd argue that there are probably historical and geographical factors that have nothing to do with America that explain why Canadians live where they do. And I'd win that argument.

"We share a common language....sort of."

So what? Maybe we speak the same language because we were both once English colonies. Who cares?

"American political structures are easier to understand than our own"

What the hell are you talking about? American political structures are bizarre. The Canadian political system is dead simple. America has all these strange things like the Electoral College, or the Cabinet not being elected officials. What the fuck is that all about?

"When asked who the Prime Minister of Canada was, I was the only one who got it right."

Give me a fucking break. I do know know one Canadian who doesn't know who the Prime Minister is. Skippy isn't even bothering with facts at this point and is just spouting propaganda.

"America is nation settled and founded by rugged individualists who saw government more as an intrusion than a helping hand."

Here is a total departure from the facts. For example, the railroad was a big part of westward expansion in the USA. Where exactly did the companies that built the railroad get the land to build it from? That's right the government. As well, settlers were given land and money by the government to settle the American west. How exactly did the government intrude on the people settling the west?

"conned it's natives into signing meaningless treaties, whereupon we shipped them to live in the Arctic Circle until they got drunk and killed themselves."

And the Americans treated their natives any better? And by the way, more Natives live in Toronto, (a city in the south of Canada), than any other city in Canada.

"our longest serving Prime Minister held seances to his dead mother and talked to his dog"

True, Makenzie King was a nut job but was he any worse a person than say Ronald Regan, who liked to do things like lay flowers at the graves of Nazis. (And by the way, wasn't Nancy Regan consulting astrologers during her husband's term?)

Those, in a nutshell, are the most interesting points in Canadian history.

Then you really should read up on Canadian history a little more. The FLQ crisis, the Avro Arrow, incidents surrounding Native rights (Oka for example, which played on TV all over the world at the time), Canadian contributions to science, (space programs, medical history, computer science, etc.), are all interesting parts of Canadian history. Hell, Skippy' so interested in politics, he should love Canadian politics. Canadian politics over the last 30 years have been much more interesting than American.

"America is a nation of the most confounding contradictions. "

You could say the same about an nation. This is really weak.

"At one time, Americans are among the most religious people on Earth but then then they turn around and lionize a naked homosexual on a desert island who won a million dollars by virtue of being a manipulative motherfucker. A nation where 40% of the population believes in the physical existence of Hell watched Janet Jackson's nipple with their kids, over and over and over again."

What exactly does looking at a woman's nipple and religion have to do with one another. Which religion prohibits the viewing of nipples? As well, according to New York University identification with a religious group among American adults dropped 9% between 1990 and 2001. So maybe the Americans aren't as religious as you think. According to the "American Religious Identification Survey" conducted by New York University one in five Americans either don't subscribe to any religious identification or refuse to answer the question when asked.

"Canadians, while we look and sound American, are actually much more British in our attitudes. We're much more reserved."

We're more reserved? That's why gay marriage isn't really a big deal in Canada, and the government is about to decriminalize pot.

"We're therefore compelled by the sheer exhibitionism of American society."

Compelled to what? What the hell does this mean?

There's nothing wrong with loving America, but what exactly is the point of doing it at Canada's expense.
Skippy speaks about Canada the same way Canadians speak about America. It's pretty funny because his words and behavior are very Canadian.

Despite what our friend Skippy says Canada and the USA are very different places, populated by very different people.
There are good points to America, (Las Vegas for example), and good points to Canada (national health care, and say what you want about it, but I haven't met a Canadian yet who had to sell his car to pay his medical bills). So what's the point of beating up on one to make the other look good?

Skippy's just got a bad case of "I wouldn't want to be a member of a club that would have someone like me for a member".

You just gotta love Screwy Louie:

"The same type of trial that put the leaders of the Third Reich of Nazi Germany on trial for their war crimes and their destruction of Europe and, in particular, the Holocaust of the Jewish people, that same spirit is rising in the American people to put the leaders who have led America into this destructive fall on trial as war criminals. Soon these things will come to pass."

"Prime Minister Mahathir bin Mohamad made a brilliant speech. He was leaving office. He was not looking for anything. That’s usually the time when politicians can be more honest, or speak with less constraint."

"There is no candidate that is offered to the American people who can save this country from what Allah (God) has decreed in their present state of mind, no matter what they say or what they promise. The entrenchment of a Satanic force that has gained control of this nation through control of the government is such that no matter how well-meaning the nominee of the Democratic Party may be, the reality is that the Satanic force will destroy anyone who would refuse to go along with their program. President Bush is already their nominee to continue on a Satanic path."

"The Honorable Elijah Muhammad once said to me that there’s a long distance between the ground and the stirrup when you’re mounting a horse. "


Wow That Elijah Muhammad was a really wise man. Too bad for him there wasn't the same distance between his dick and teenage girls.

In honour of Black History Month I will be answering my phone with a friendly "Who dat?" for the rest of the month.

My wife said she'd divorce me if I go forward with my plan to install a toilet in the kitchen.
What I want to know is how someone could not want a toilet next to the refrigerator?
How many times have you found yourself standing there with the fridge door open, thinking to yourself,
"That hunk of chicken flesh looks really tasty", and at the same time realize that your really have to take a dump?
Think about it for a moment. It's not as if the actions are disassociated.
You eat, you shit. It's part of the wonderful circle of life. Why not bring these two vital bodily functions closer together?
But I suppose this is what you get for marrying a white woman. If she were a mud person I don't suppose there'd be a problem.

What's most upsetting is that this has ruined my plans for the extra large bidet I wanted.